Got it together???

Confession time.  I hate this drawer.  It's a drawer that starts out pretty organized in the kitchen, but it's the "catch all" drawer (because I let it be) and over a month or two, it just gets out of control.  Company's coming...oh, shove it in that drawer.  You get the drift.  I want to be a good house cleaner.  I want to be a perfect mom.  A perfect wife.  A perfect part time employee of Ronald Blue & Co.  A perfect pastor's wife.  A perfect drawer cleaner.  But, I just can't.  I can't do it, and when I hide the mess for a while, it ends up looking like this picture above.  Finally, I get sick of it and clean it out.  Does anyone identify with me?  If not, just please don't judge me.

Just two nights ago, it had been ONE LONG DAY.  I had been with James, of course, (which obviously is a great blessing - but also tough!), Landon had eaten dinner with us and then gone back to the church for a men's Bible study they are doing right now, so I had James again.  Then, when Landon did finally get home for real, he needed to go out and work on staining the deck.  This legitimately needs to be done, so I was thankful he was doing it, but yet again, no break for the momma.  I had finally gotten James in bed, and I quietly sneaked down the hall to get a shower.  I step out of the shower to hear Landon, outside, hammering something...LOUD.  I mean, LOUD.  And then...wait for it...James started crying.  OOOOH...I was SO MAD.  I took part of my clothes I had yet to put on and went to the french doors in our bedroom that go out to the deck and threw my clothes at the window and told him (mouthing in a LOUD but silent way) "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? BE QUIET.  HE IS CRYING!!!!!!"  Poor Landon.  The man is working as hard as he can, then coming home to try to do something that needs to be done, and my cup was just too full that day.  Most days I get a lot more help than that, but that day....my junk drawer just felt like it was overflowing.

I've been reading this book called Captivating.  And, truthfully, it's taking me quite a while to get through it. I read in snippets at night if it's not too late.  But, the book is good.  We're going to study it this fall on our Women's Retreat at church with one of my favorite women in the world teaching us - Melissa Haas.  If you are interested in coming. let me know.  That was an aside.  The point is, this book spoke to me the other night, and I just want to write out some of what it said.  Because it just fits with my junk drawer overflowing mood.

from Captivating...
"A woman in her glory, a woman of beauty, is a woman who is not striving to become beautiful or worth or enough.  She knows in her quiet center where God swells that He finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy, and in Him, she is enough.  In fact, the only thing getting in the way our being fully captivating and enjoyed is OUR STRIVING.  A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be and room to become.  In her presence we can release the tension and pressure that so often grips our hearts.  We can also breathe in the truth that God loves us and He is good.

Proverbs speaks about two different women, two archetypes.  One is Lady Folly; the other, Lady Wisdom. Both are lovely.  Both set their tables with fine food and aged wine and dress in fine linens.  Both call to the passersby to come in, taste, eat, linger.  Lady Folly's door is the mouth of an open grave.  Lady Wisdom's home is the passageway to discernment, holiness, and Life.

A woman who is striving invites others to strive.  The message - sometimes implicit in her actions, sometimes explicit through her words - is, "Get your act together.  Life is uncertain.  There is no time for your heart here.  Shape up.  Get busy.  That's what's important."  She does not say, "All is well.  All shall be well."  Her fear doesn't allow it.  She is withholding the very things her world needs.

A woman who is hiding invites others to do the same.  "Don't be vulnerable.  Hide yourself."  A woman who makes herself vulnerable and available for intimacy invites others to do the same.  After all, Eve is the incarnation of the heart of God for intimacy.  She says to world, through her invitation to relationship, "You are wanted here.  We want to know you.  Come in.  Share yourself.  You are wanted here.  We want to know you.  Come in.  Share yourself.  Be enjoyed.  Enjoy me as I share myself."  A woman who is controlling cannot invite others to rest, to be known.  They will feel controlled in her presence.  It won't feel safe there.

A woman who is unveiling her beauty is inviting others to life."

So, what do you think?  Maybe to you, my junk drawer and this passage from a great book are unrelated.  But to me, my junk drawer illustrates me trying to be Lady Folly.  Attempting and striving and working and not enjoying life.  What am I doing?  I long to be Lady Wisdom. I long to invite others to life.  I'm praying God will continue to work in me and change me and make me someone new - someone who actually RESTS in Him.