Been a While

It's been a while.  A.  Long.  While.  I know.  I get overwhelmed with life and don't blog, and I think a hundred million times about how much I'm going to regret big spaces of time later that I didn't blog and write down our memories, yada yada.  Well, it just is what it is.  Survival sometimes leaves blogging long forgotten about (well, for me, anyway - not for those pro-mom-bloggers).  My friend Tamara asked me about my blog a couple of weeks ago and since then, I have thought and thought and thought about it.  I've got one word since the beginning of the year that I am consistently feeling like.  (FYI: it's not a positive thing). 

 

Defeated.

 

That's honestly how I'm feeling.  And you know, I just can't put my finger on why.  But, I can put my finger on who is causing it...the biggest liar of them all.  So, what's a busy young pastor's wife/mom/part time worker to do?  I know this probably doesn't make any sense at all to anyone but me, but sometimes when I feel like I just can't quite take anything else, it sort of feels like my brain folds up.  I know that is a weirdo thing to say - however, it is true.  It feels like it sort of folds over inside my head and just shuts down.  The truth is that things are going well.  We have had some changes in church stuff at the end of the year that was a transition, but honestly, I feel like the foundation is truly set for God to work.  We are doing a women's Bible study right now that isn't my very favorite, but it's been a blessing to me, and mainly, my fellow soujourners in the study have been a huge blessing to me.  We're in the throes of potty training with James.  He is doing GREAT, but having a little trouble getting the hang of #2.  I have used the carpet cleaner so many times in the last weeks that the whole house literally smells like freshly cleaned carpets.  I could hire out because I am a professional carpet cleaner.  And listen, Landon, sweet little husband, Landon - he is doing fantastic.  Oh my goodness - never, ever, never ever never, have I been so thankful to be married to him, and so amazed by the work he's doing at Bethabra.  I mean, God is all over that joker!  Seriously!  He has passion and drive and courage and such a big heart.  God is really working through him in awesome ways.  And trust me, it's been a struggle.  Not just roses and sunshine and rainbows.  We feel a real peace about where we are.  Yet, even with good things, I still am feeling defeated, and I just can't put my finger on why. So...I am mainly using my favorite phrase that Cheryl taught me 5.5 years ago...Just for Today.  Just for today I am going to make it.  Just for today I am going to clean up poop again and clean the carpet.  Just for today I am going to....

 

I am really, really, like exponentially blessed.  I have everything I need for life and godliness.  I know whose I am.  And if I ever, ever decide to let that power actually seep all the way down into my soul, and let that TRUTH and power lead my daily life...man, it would be good.  Consistently good. 

 

Landon's dad came into town for the FBCW men's conference.  I went back in the bathroom to brush my teeth a few minutes ago and turned on my faucet.  Now, you should know that for about a year, the hot water side of my faucet doesn't work.  Landon decided it made my faucet drip so he turned it off some way.  I didn't even think about the fact that Landon and his dad worked on some of our plumbing issues this afternoon, and like usual, I busted on the cold water of my sink to brush my teeth.  Well, guess what?  A geyser of water shoots up in the air out of the hot side.  What does that mean?  I have no idea.  For me, it means stop using your sink.  At all.  For anything.  So...okay.  Scared me.

 

Now, I am sleepy and ready for bed.  Some of my sweet friends and their kids came over tonight to play for a while.  James is totally in the middle of the 2 year old stage - I mean, just all over it.  He screams about stuff being his, he tells on other kids for stuff, he cries (fake) at the drop of a hat.  He also can be very sweet at times - but I must say, the social scene was a struggle for him tonight.  Then, he stayed awake in his room for about an hour and a half after I put him to bed.  First he lost Momma Mary (from the Christmas nativity, Jesus' mommy) who he was sleeping with, so I had to go in and find her.  Then I sang him like a million "new songs" before leaving since he wants a new made up song every single night.  He has gotten really, really funny.  Asking me about happy meals and "sad" meals, talking about the heat coming out of the vent and "crumbling him up", only wanting to wear his jammies like EVERYWHERE we go and it's a huge battle to make him put on real clothes...he is talking really well, and is just sweet as can be most of the time. 

 

Here he is on the way to school a few mornings ago - with Woody and monkey Buzz.

 

 I found the sweetest little shoes for him the other day at this shop in Hamilton Mill called Duck Duck Goose.  They were on sale for half off - loved them. 

 And, here we are playing potato heads earlier in the week.  

Sweet cutie pie...I can't believe how old he is looking in these pictures - yikes!!!  Stop growing!!!  I need you to stay a baby forever, James! :)