Swimming Lessons - My Father is Watching...

 

Seriously, I took this picture this morning.  I know, it's terrible.  I was completely preoccupied with the safety of my child, so it just is what it is.  I have heard different comparisons my whole life about what I want to write about today, but it hit home for me in a whole new light, and so I wanted to share about my own experience...or AHA moment.

 

Landon took James to his first swimming lesson last Saturday morning because I was at the Beth Moore conference.  This morning, Landon wanted to pressure wash the garage, so I took him.  We were running late (um, only because I still - after living here 3.5 years now - don't know the best way to get places sometimes), and I was sort of scattered, and we were busting in the door, and I was looking for Mr. Mark and James' pool - even though it was completely unfamiliar to me.  We get over to his pool, I get his shirt off, his goggles on, and finally locate the parent waiting room.  And then, I start to need for someone to give me a brown bag to hyperventilate in.  James can't swim.  I'm sorry, did you hear me?  JAMES CAN'T SWIM, and I've just left him with someone who is responsible for his entire life.  Other moms are in this waiting room like me.  Most of them are sitting on the couches, taking care of other children, reading a book, on their iphones, etc.  But three moms, including me, are glued to the glass (the kind where we can see our children but they can't see us) watching.  James is the youngest in his class.  He is the smallest.  He has the least experience in the water.  He doesn't like to get his face wet yet.  He doesn't like splashing.  I know what he likes and doesn't like.  I know what he's afraid of.  I know how much security I provide for him.  I know he depends on me.  I can see he's uncomfortable.  Now, he's not terrified, and he's a little whiny, but he's not screaming (or I would have been busting my fanny out there to get my baby), and he's sort of complying with what Mr. Mark is getting them to do.  I kept having to step back from the window because my hot breath was fogging it up from being so close.  With my face pressed to that window, and my sweaty hand glued to the glass, I had a realization.  One that I've heard about my whole life, but experienced on my own today.

 

I am never alone.  Even when I feel alone.  My Father is always watching me - even closer than a room away.  Even closer than the special mirror/see through glass.  His heart is full of love for me and concern for me just like mine is full of James while watching him swim.  His breath catches just like mine does when James takes a risk...kicks his legs...looks like he might fall in.  His heart feels like it's going to burst from being so proud when I have a victory - when James kicks his legs or gets water in his face and doesn't cry.  Sometimes it feels like I am alone.  Sometimes it feels like I'm at the swimming lesson, and He left.  He forgot about me.  Maybe even forgot He wanted me to take a swimming lesson.  He didn't forget.  It was me - I forgot.  He is watching - right there, catching me when I fall, as gently as possible.  He knows exactly what my swimming lesson looks like - from the time I get there until the end...He knows me.  He's letting me fly on my baby wings sometimes and it feels like He's not as close.  Oh, but He's right there.  He's in the parent room with His face glued to the window and His hand pressed to the glass and His breath fogging up the one way mirror and He is saying, "Go, Baby Girl! I believe in you.  I know you.  Feel secure out there in that pool because I placed you there sovereignly.  I don't forget you.  I am right here, watching.  I am right here - present with you - even if you forget I'm there."

 

James finished his lesson, and I have never been so glad to get to my baby.  Yikes.  Does anyone hear a helicopter in the distance??? Landon may have to take him to the lessons the rest of the month...

 

I hugged him tight and I told him how proud I was of him.  He asked where I was and if I left because he didn't see me.  I explained that I was there, behind the scenes, watching every second in case he needed me, and you know what?  He believed me.  I need to believe my Father when He tells me He's watching every second, that I never leave the palm of His hand, that He knows my name, that I can know perfect love without fear, that I am precious to Him, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made...and so on...and so on...and so on...

 

James had a swimming lesson today, and I had a life lesson today.  Thank you, Jesus.