Sunday, August 25, 2013

Though You Slay Me

I have some different thoughts rolling in my head tonight.  Isn't it interesting, with children, how many times we connect the Father's love for us with our love for our children?  I don't know about you, but I have experienced this a whole bunch - and am sure I will continue to do so.

This has been an interesting past month.  A wise friend of ours heard about our past month and said we were living life on life's terms.  Ha. Isn't that the truth?  We have had some challenges - traveling back and forth to FL, a death in our family, medical issues, etc.  That's just naming a few and keeping it surface level. 

Carolyn finished the porch cushions and they are gorgeous!  We were sitting out there yesterday - and it was a gorgeous day.  The Part 2 of painting our deck is beginning.  Landon painted the floor a beautiful dark, dark brown, and now we picked out a color for the railing, and he's begun that project. 

James and I were watching him get started on it, and we were all just chatting.  James was playing with the ipad on the couch outside and I was talking to Landon about who knows what.  Landon was sitting on the ground painting away. Then, James said, "Daddy, do you need any help?" For some reason, it was like all in my mind was quiet and I was just thinking what a precious moment it was.  Now, I vacillate back and forth sometimes between complete discontentment and complete contentment. We were sitting on the couch the other night eating Pizza Hut pizza on paper plates, and as I looked as Landon and James, I thought there's no way my life could be any more complete.  I mean, I hope we add to our family one day, but just was thinking how blessed I am.  Simple.  Pizza hut pizza.  Simple.  He asked his daddy if he could help him.  So, Landon said, "Sure, Son, come over here and you can help."  He got him all set up to help.  Showed him what to paint.  Talked about how to use the brush.  James began painting.  All was peaceful.  UNTIL...James started painting the floor.  The floor that's already been painted the beautiful brown.  Landon jerked his own shirt off and started mopping it up, trying to get the light, light brown paint off the dark brown paint on the floor of the deck.  James didn't quite know what was wrong, but he knew he'd made a mistake, and his face looked stunned.  I knew whatever Landon said next would be crucial.  Landon said, "James, why did you paint the floor?  Did Daddy show you to paint the floor?"  James said, "No, Daddy.  I just did it."  And then, Landon grabbed him up and hugged him tight and said, "Well, that's okay.  It's nothing we can't clean up.  Easy to clean up or paint over."  And James little face just looked relieved.  Looked like he could breathe again. 

And again, like has happened to me a lot in the past and I'm sure will continue to happen to me in the future, I could hear my Father speaking to me.  He was saying, "I know you want to help me.  And I know sometimes you don't know the best way.  Sometimes you accidentally paint the floor in an attempt to help when that's actually not the instruction I gave you.  I fully love and accept you.  I can mop it right up. You are not a mistake.  Don't stop painting just because you are scared of doing it wrong."  Boy, kids are moldable.  I can see how easily we can mess James up - and we will.  Unintentionally.  Doing the best we know how.  One thing I want him to know is that he is always accepted and loved by us - unconditionally.  Through mistakes like painting the floor, our arms are open to comfort, even when he's learning a lesson. 

Sometimes I feel like I try to hard and paint the floor...trying "help" God out in ways He didn't ask me to help Him.  Sometimes I feel like I just want to throw in the towel, and I can't do anything right.  And the enemy always whispers, "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence...", and he whispers it in any doubtful area of my life.  And then, usually, Jesus sends me a sign.  Well, I take it as a sign. 

I was getting ready for church this morning and James wasn't awake yet (unusual).  I remembered that someone had posted a song I really wanted to hear because I thought the words were intriguing.  I played the song and ended up in the bathroom floor on the rug having a come to Jesus meeting before I even got in the van to go to church.  Father had words for me this morning.  He wanted me to know that if I'm sloppy with the paint or I get it on the floor, or if I'm just messing everything up, He's enough.  And, this isn't the first time He's given me this message.  He's given it to me numerous times.  One time in particular when I thought my life was over and I wouldn't survive.  But I did.  I did because He was enough.  He told me "I came for you just so that I could be enough for you in this situation. Trust me."

The song is a song by Shane & Shane called Though You Slay Me. 
Though you slay me - still I will praise you. 
Though you take from me - I will bless your name. 
Though you ruin me - I will sing a song of worship
To the One who is all I need.

1 comment:

  1. Loved this Bethany. All of it. You are a gifted writer.