Where do I Fit In?

Boy, oh boy.  A lot's been going on lately.  Good stuff - mixed with some stressful stuff.  Sometimes I just don't know where I fit in in the midst of life happening around me. Satan just really has a heyday with me at times, which is extremely unfortunate.  Some things swirling around in my brain right now....

I just found out that I'll be losing the job I've had at the end of the year.  I LOVE my job.  I worked full time for about 3.5 years with my company, and once I had James, my boss allowed me to continue to work about 10 hours a week from home.  While I respect my boss' decision, and know she wants to do what's best for our department, man, I am hurt.  I thought I fit in there.  I felt like it was a big outlet for me that had nothing to do with ministry where I had the opportunity to help with the mission of my company.  Now, it will be gone, and I feel unsure about that.  I feel embarrassed and like I didn't measure up - even though that's the words of the devil, not of my boss or of the Father.  I'm worried about our finances.  I'm hopeful a position may open in another department - I'm praying that it will.  We'll see...

Once something happens in one area, it's like I start to doubt other areas.  I think, "I'm not a good wife, I'm not a good mom, I can't do a good job with anything."....and clearly, I know these things are not true.  Just seems like when one domino falls, I choose to push all the others down.  That mixed with stress Landon is under (much from the pressure he puts on himself), it's a difficult combination.  Seems like not a whole lot of "fun" is being had around here.  :)  Why is it so hard to remember the TRUTH?  Why is it so hard to focus on the positive?  Why is it so hard to TRUST God?  I know nothing catches Him by surprise. 

Facts:
 - We are blessed to be at our church.  We love our church family.
 - I have several really great friends who are a huge support to me.  I love them very much, and I know our friendship is not based on my performance. 
 - I have an incredible husband.  He is real and authentic - he is trying to allow God to change him everyday and I see that.  Wow, I'm lucky.
 - I have the privilege to be a mom.  Enough said.  What a blessing.
 - God knows what is going to happen with us at the beginning of next year.  He will take care of us. 

I've got a lot of truth telling I need to be telling myself.  So, today I am going to pick myself up from the "sorry to be me" pit, and AGAIN, give my "stuff" over to God this morning.  I have everything I need for life and Godliness, and I am His workmanship...seriously, dude, what else could I ask for???  I want to share my Jesus Calling for today:

As you become increasingly aware of My Presence, you find it easier to discern the way you should go.  This is one of the practical benefit of living close to Me.  Instead of wondering about what is on the road ahead or worrying about what you should do it...or when...you an concentrate on staying in communication with Me.  When you actually arrive at a choice-point, I will show you which direction to go.

Many people are so preoccupied with future plans and decisions that they ail to see choices they need to make today.  Without any conscious awareness, they make their habitual responses.  People who live this way find a dullness creeping into their lives.  They sleepwalk through the days, following well-worn paths of routine.

I, the Creator of the universe, am the most creative Being imaginable.  I will not leave you circling in deeply rutted paths.  Instead, I will lead you along fresh trails of adventure, revealing to you thinks you did not know.  Stay in communication with Me.  Follow My guiding presence. 

You know, I do fit in.  I fit in with Christ, and aside from anywhere else I fit in, this is all that matters.  Please help me to remember that, Father!!

Painting Canvases - WITH NO STENCIL!!

This past Saturday we did something pretty fun (um, a little stressful but mostly fun) with our church ladies.  I had painted one other canvas, and I thought this experience would be like that one.  Well...it wasn't.  So, lo and behold, we get to the church that morning, and the artist arrives, and the canvases are BLANK.  Seriously.  Blank.  Yeah, so although that made it  little more stressful - it also made it relaly fun.  We watched the artist step by step and followed along with our own painting.  It was VERY fun.  I wish we'd had more ladies, but I know it's a busy time of year, and perhaps painting doesn't sound fun to everyone? I don't know, it sounded fun to me - mainly talking to my friends and eating and eating and eating sounded fun to me :)

All of us before we started...

The artist, Tracy, with all her stuff ready at the front

Here's my paiting.  NOW...these are supposed to be the fruits of the spirit.  Please don't neglect to note that I put "faith" and "faithfulness"...right. 

And here we all are with our paintings.  Great job ladies!!

Fall Fun at the Cabin!

We had such a great time this past Saturday evening with our Sunday School class.  The Sears' family invited us all over for a hayride, petting animals, eating, painting pumpkins, riding the zipline, bobbing for apples, a bonfire...etc. etc. etc....it was AWESOME!!!  A little stressful with James, but mainly lots of fun.  And only stressful, mostly, because we didn't bring James' chair he eats in, and we tried to sit him in a regular folding chair and it was just kind of nightmarish...and then that stress caused Lan and me to not get along well...you know...the downward spiral just happens.  :)  But, we recovered nicely, and fairly quickly, and still had a great time.  The preparation the Sears' went to was unreal!  Their family cabin was beautiful.  I sure do love our Sun. School class at Bethabra.  I am very, very thankful for all the couples God has brought - those ladies are some of my dearest friends.....see pictures...

The pumpkin James (Landon) decorated...

The beginning of James' meal when things were actually going well

playing on the hayride after dinner...you can see it had been a battle because I didn't even try to wipe his face

Lan and I both rode the little zipline - it was little...but still scary to me.  This is me faking like I'm really excited about doing it before I did it...

Landon and James by the bonfire

James and Finn playing at the end of the night...right before going home with a bunch of cars Ms. Elizabeth found for them to play with

Reading the Bible & Elmo Backpacks...

James is really funny about our Bibles...but especially about Landon's.  He can say the word Bible (clearly enough that you can understand it, anyway), and when he sees a Bible, he'll just keep calling it out over and over and over again (also similar to when he sees a picture of or a fake deer and how he calls out "deer" a million times).  He is really sweet about Bibles though.  The other night Landon was showing James his Bible since James grabbed it off the chair and wanted to look at it - very sweet.

This is dumb, but I really wanted James to have an Elmo backpack.  I got this Sesame St. thing in the mail where you could join their club and pay a low amount of money and get the first big package in the mail (and then you have to remember to cancel it if you don't want to continue to get shipments).  The first big package includes the Elmo backpack.  I was in, People - seriously, I wanted the baby to have an Elmo backpack.  And look, wasn't it worth it?????  DUH.  Yes.

Fenomenal Family Friday: The Wakeman Family

It's hard for me to even begin talking about this family because I love them so much... I don't know what to say first...and it's difficult for me to even type words without wanting to cry because they have been so good to us.  I think the people on the search committee who brought Landon to Bethabra will always be extremely special in our hearts.  And since Jason was on the committee, he was one of the very first people we met when we starting talking with Bethabra.  This is the Wakeman family - Jason, Jeanette, and Finn.  Are they cute or WHAT?  :)  This was a picture we took a few weeks ago when we went to the Pumpkin Patch with them. 

It was Jason that we began to get to know first.  He was kind of quiet, and it was really obvious he had a very sincere heart.  He was a good listener, and so clearly loved the people at his church, and so clearly wanted God's will for Bethabra.  The whole search committee was so welcoming to us, but I'll never forget meeting them all at Neal's that first night.  The way they hugged us and walked us out when we left - I just will never forget it.  People talk about first churches being a nightmare sometimes...but that has not been our experience.  Sure, they have been some significant challenges - even now, there are some significant challenges, but on the whole, we have LOVED it.  That search committee was an indication of the peoples' hearts at Bethabra.  But...I digress...

We spent the night with Jason and Jeanette and Finn really early on because Landon started at the church before we'd actually moved over here.  Each weekend, the search committee would take turns keeping us at their houses.  I will never forget our time at Jason and Jeanette's.  Jeanette is one of the most thoughtful people I've ever known.  Everything was perfect, and we felt so welcome in their home.  We had great food, loved talking with them, and our room she had prepared for us was unbelievable!  She had a special basket for us with our names on candies in a basket, our towels rolled up in it, just everything you could possibly need. 

I guess Finn, their little boy, was about 1 and a few months when we first met them.  He is a DOLL, and especially now, having a boy, we are grateful that James has Finn to look up to!  The Wakeman's have challenged me to be a bigger giver.  They are always generous to others when as I watch needs happen around our church and watch them give.  They've personally been extremely generous to us.  Jeanette has passed on (I believe) every piece of clothing Finn has ever worn and every toy Finn has grown out of to us.  We didn't have a buy a high chair, or a jumper thing, or a swing...and many many more things...all because of their generosity.  I say they are like the public library.  I check out their items and then return them :)  I am challenged by the way they sacrificially give of themselves to others. 

Jeanette has also introduced me to the consignment sale world.  I've learned that kids grow out of clothes REALLY FAST.  She is very smart when it comes to looking for bargains - I've appreciated learning from her and loved standing in line and Kelli and Jeanette a few months ago to go to the Gwinnett Fairground BIG consignment sale...Oh, another thing Jeanette does.  At church, she is a preschool coordinator and helps make it WONDERFUL for James in the nursery.  She helps keep things organized - a cleaning schedule, supplies, workers...many, many details that are vital to not only me with a baby,  but to guests who come to our church and have children. 

Can you tell I love this family?  It seems no matter what I think of to do for them, they are a step ahead already doing something else for us.   I worry about them taking on too much and getting burned out sometimes since they are such givers.  They are authentic, real friends.  The kind of friends you pray about having and can count on one hand at the end of your life.  That's just the truth.  This family is precious to us...precious to our church...and I LOVE them so much!!!  Can you tell???

Tasty Tuesday

Alright, so I missed last week's Tasty Tuesday.  It's been extremely busy, and I remember thinking about doing a recipe last week, but then I just had to let it go.  OH, and I wanted to put my meat loaf, but then I looked back and realized I'd already posted it!  So...yesterday I had to go in to work in the morning to meet with my boss - it's sort of a tumultuous time for me at work, and I'm not sure what is going to happen.  My position may be cut, or it may not be.  It's been a frustrating month just dwelling on the possibility of losing my job or maybe not losing or just not knowing what will happen.  Such is life :)  I know all the "Godly" answers so I'm trying to remember them and just patiently wait to see what He is going to work out.  We shall see....  ANYWAY, I went to lunch with friends and then came back home.  Since Landon was going to see Courageous last night with his men's group, and I didn't have my ladies' group last night, I invited Jeanette and Kelli and their kids over to eat dinner.  What I was thinking, I don't know, since I'd been gone all day and then was asking people over for dinner...but I just wanted to.  I tried to figure out what I had that I could make that all of our kids would eat...and I decided on Chicken Noodle Casserole.  This was a fantastic dish that Mandy made for me when I had James, and I searched and found it on the Internet shortly after.  I think it's delicious...here's the recipe:

4 skinless boneless chicken breast halves
6 oz egg noodles
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can cream of mushroom soup
8 oz sour cream
salt and pepper to taste
1 cup buttery round crackers (I used 2 cups...)
1/2 cup butter, melted to pour over crackers

1.  Boil or bake chicken and cut into small pieces.
2.  Boil egg noodles (they said to boil it in the water you boiled the chicken in - that would have been good, but I needed to bake the chicken and boil the egg noodles at the same time, so that just didn't work for me).
3.  Mix mushroom soup, chicken soup, sour cream, boiled egg noodles, cut up chicken, salt and pepper to taste in a mixing bowl.  Place in 2 quart baking dish.
4.  Mash up crackers and mix with melted butter to put on top.
5.  Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes until heated through and brown on top.

Now, I do have to tell you that Landon does not love this meal.  He likes it okay, but he's a big FLAVOR person.  He wants stuff to have some "heat" or some "spice" or some excitement having a party in his mouth.  I like that kind of stuff okay, but I must be a real true southerner because I love some casseroles.  This is like a comfort food casserole to me.  We had it with creamed corn and sister Schubert yeast rolls :)  Yum.  And, I had a great time with my lady friends whose husbands were busy that night.  I was tired. 

This morning I had a Sr. Adult planning meeting - I love being on the Sr. Adult ministry team at church - ha.  Those are some of my favorite activities, and I am super excited about the events coming up....Lake Lanier is coming soon!!!!!  We're having our family pictures made this week, our hair cut (me and Lan), and our other regular stuff going on.  Also, a couple that is close to us is really hurting - please pray for them. 

I am blessed :)

Illegally Attending Storytime

I have talked before about how much I love the public library - how much I loved it growing up - and how much I want James to enjoy it.  We've been trying to go to story time in Braselton, but truthfully, it's just not all that exciting.  So...Jeanette has been taking Finn to story time at the Hamilton Mill library.  We met there last Tuesday just to visit the library and play on the playground and eat lunch together.  It was FABULOUS.  HM Library has a story time every Tuesday - but it's only for 2 years old and up.  Jeanette was telling me, though, that lots of moms bring siblings of the older than 2's, so there are a wide variety of ages there.  I decided to try bringing James even though he's a little young.  We had such a great time yesterday!  Here's James playing on the computer...he looks like a pro already :)

Yay for friends!  James and Finn!

It was an interesting time during story time.  The lady was fantastic.  When we arrived at the library, we were met by this story time lady and her fox puppet, Ms. Christine (I think that was the fox's name).  It was so exciting.  James kept "Woof woof" -ing over and over thinking the fox was a dog.  It was awesome!  She read three books - and in between each books she would either sing a song or play a game.  James did great during the songs or games, but not so great during the books.  It was pretty obvious he was so much younger during the actually reading times.  He made it through the first book, but during the second book, he really wanted to get Ms. Christine (the fox puppet) behind the story time lady in her chair.  I don't want to be a mom who is always saying NO, NO, NO all the time, so I let James kind of walk around a little during the story.  BUT, then he ended up making a beeline for Ms. Christine.  That was the only real scene we made.  Me carrying James out into the real library so we would not disrupt book #2 any further.  We did not return for book #3 so that all the other children could enjoy it :)  We had a GREAT time though, and I definitely want to go back.  It is the best story time I have ever seen!!!

after story time, we went to Chick-fil-A with our friends to eat lunch. 

After eating our lunch, Finn wanted to play on the playground.  Well, up until yesterday, James has been satisfied with playing on the lower part of the playground - where the babies play.  BUT, yesterday, he decided he wanted to play in the top part....THE TUBES.  Oh my.  Well, it says on the sign that parents are welcome to play.  All I could think about was that GMA special a few months ago about how nasty and dirty those play places are, and now I was getting a chance to find out for myself.  So...James climbed up - and I knew I was going to have to climb up too.  So, I did.  Claustrophobic, anyone?  Then, you should never climb up high into a child's play land of tubes.  I felt like a giant up there.  But, I diligently (as any good mother would) followed James throughout the entire little up high play land.  At one point, this kid in the picture below (not James or Finn) actually had to say to me, "Um, excuse me," when he needed to get by.  Um, what?  Are you saying I'm an adult and I'm ENORMOUS to be up here and you cannot get by in the tube?  Finally, James seemed ready to go down the big slide, so Jeanette caught him at the bottom.  One of the moms below said she'd never seen a parent climb up in there before.  All for the joy of my baby, Lady.  It took me what felt like forever to climb down (since I clearly did not take the tube slide down for Jeanette to catch me).  I was yelling to Jeanette, "No, don't let him back up here!"  Whew!  Thank goodness we took an ice cream break (oh, and btw, who knew you could trade your prize in the kids' meal for ICE CREAM????) and rested.  Yikes.  It was a wild afternoon.

James was pretty pretty cute yesterday - wearing his monster in training shirt...

He loves to hide behind Elmo and play "Boo". 

And, pumpkin socks!  Tis the season!

We had a delicious dinner last night that if I haven't done for a Tasty Tuesday, I need to - I can't remember.  It's Paula Dean's meatloaf - we had meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and baby Lima beans.  It was delicious :)  YUM.  I had a ladies meeting last night and can I just say for the millionth time that I feel so blessed where we are.  Sure, there are many challenges, but on the whole, I sure do love where we are and the people here.  Very, very thankful for where God has placed us.