Boy, oh boy. A lot's been going on lately. Good stuff - mixed with some stressful stuff. Sometimes I just don't know where I fit in in the midst of life happening around me. Satan just really has a heyday with me at times, which is extremely unfortunate. Some things swirling around in my brain right now....
I just found out that I'll be losing the job I've had at the end of the year. I LOVE my job. I worked full time for about 3.5 years with my company, and once I had James, my boss allowed me to continue to work about 10 hours a week from home. While I respect my boss' decision, and know she wants to do what's best for our department, man, I am hurt. I thought I fit in there. I felt like it was a big outlet for me that had nothing to do with ministry where I had the opportunity to help with the mission of my company. Now, it will be gone, and I feel unsure about that. I feel embarrassed and like I didn't measure up - even though that's the words of the devil, not of my boss or of the Father. I'm worried about our finances. I'm hopeful a position may open in another department - I'm praying that it will. We'll see...
Once something happens in one area, it's like I start to doubt other areas. I think, "I'm not a good wife, I'm not a good mom, I can't do a good job with anything."....and clearly, I know these things are not true. Just seems like when one domino falls, I choose to push all the others down. That mixed with stress Landon is under (much from the pressure he puts on himself), it's a difficult combination. Seems like not a whole lot of "fun" is being had around here. :) Why is it so hard to remember the TRUTH? Why is it so hard to focus on the positive? Why is it so hard to TRUST God? I know nothing catches Him by surprise.
- We are blessed to be at our church. We love our church family.
- I have several really great friends who are a huge support to me. I love them very much, and I know our friendship is not based on my performance.
- I have an incredible husband. He is real and authentic - he is trying to allow God to change him everyday and I see that. Wow, I'm lucky.
- I have the privilege to be a mom. Enough said. What a blessing.
- God knows what is going to happen with us at the beginning of next year. He will take care of us.
I've got a lot of truth telling I need to be telling myself. So, today I am going to pick myself up from the "sorry to be me" pit, and AGAIN, give my "stuff" over to God this morning. I have everything I need for life and Godliness, and I am His workmanship...seriously, dude, what else could I ask for??? I want to share my Jesus Calling for today:
As you become increasingly aware of My Presence, you find it easier to discern the way you should go. This is one of the practical benefit of living close to Me. Instead of wondering about what is on the road ahead or worrying about what you should do it...or when...you an concentrate on staying in communication with Me. When you actually arrive at a choice-point, I will show you which direction to go.
Many people are so preoccupied with future plans and decisions that they ail to see choices they need to make today. Without any conscious awareness, they make their habitual responses. People who live this way find a dullness creeping into their lives. They sleepwalk through the days, following well-worn paths of routine.
I, the Creator of the universe, am the most creative Being imaginable. I will not leave you circling in deeply rutted paths. Instead, I will lead you along fresh trails of adventure, revealing to you thinks you did not know. Stay in communication with Me. Follow My guiding presence.
You know, I do fit in. I fit in with Christ, and aside from anywhere else I fit in, this is all that matters. Please help me to remember that, Father!!