Why Does God Make Us Wait? I Don't Like It.

Do you ever feel like the clock is just ticking and ticking and ticking and you are ready for something to happen, but it's just not happening? That's how I feel right now...today. I feel like God has called Landon and me to full time ministry, and yet, we are not there yet, and we are being pulled in a million other directions that, generally, are not our call. I don't know why we're having to wait so long. I feel like we really have our act together - like we are really in our niche here - doing what God has called us to really do, well, as much as we can in a part time capacity. It is just hard to wait on God - and sometimes hard to believe that He has really good things for me. I remember in the Shack it talked about how God is always good, and we just interpret things that "feel good" to be good for us, and things that "feel bad" to be bad for us. That is so true about me. The Father has done CRAZY stuff in my life. He has redeemed the unredeemable for me. Truly. And yet, I am still a brat. I still wonder almost every day when He is going to open a full time door for us - here or somewhere else. I am excited about answering His call when it finally comes...but it's hard to stay hopeful and excited and pumped about going wherever...when it seems like it's never happening. And, I worry about Landon, too, and how he's feeling - hello, I think the Father can take care of His precious child, Landon. We just continue to live the daily sludge of life and get through each day - and this is a ridiculous way for me to feel. God is using us big time here - I can see that if I open my eyes and stop feeling so sorry for myself. It just seems like there are goals for our family that I really want, but we just can't meet them unless we get to go to the next level. Hmm...trusting God? Well...yeah, I trust him, but 8 months is my trust limit, and now I have to take the steering wheel back. Take it back and do what with it? I don't know...just not trust anymore and stand in the corner and pout, I guess. He is a good God. He is mine, and He delights in me, AND He wants to give me the desires of my heart. Wow, I'm a brat. Thank goodness He continues to pour grace out to me and redeem me even though I'm a brat, and unredeemable. Thank goodness I can tell Him this stuff and don't have to be afraid to share my true wicked heart with Him. Thank goodness He loves me anyway. Thank goodness that even when I doubt, He still has a plan, and He's still speaking in a quiet voice to me...if I'll listen. I'm praying today the ticking clock will be still, and I will rest in the Father's sufficiency. Whew...DEEP BREATH...DEEP BREATH...